Posted by: bullyforme | June 24, 2009

Why I’m Still Single (1.0)

Okay, I’ll admit I posted the following in my buddy InternetG33k’s forum a few days back. I’m kind of busy today though, and would like to throw something up here to get this bloggo moving… you’d think that two years off would have given me plenty of time to think up something original to post today, but meh. I’ve got LOLcats to look at, so I’ll be recycling today.

Heather McKenzie wrote a cute little number for her Single on the Seacoast column titled “Single: Thanks for nothing, hot movie guys” where she lists which movie characters throughout the years shaped her idea of the perfect mate.

She invited her readers to make their own list, and upon doing so, I discovered that my list may go a long way in explaining why I’m still single at 41:

Ed Harris – John Glenn, “the Right Stuff”; also Bud Brigman, “the Abyss”
Qualification 1 – be an astronaut. Not too difficult to find, right?
Qualification 1a – be oh so loyal to your bitchy ex-wife that you will risk death in a deep sea abyss and fish your wedding ring out of a chemical toilet (with your bare hands).

Al Pacino – Frank Serpico, “Serpico”
Qualification 2 – be a hero cop who has serious commitment issues. Actually not too difficult to find (well, the issues anyway).

Chris Reeves – Clark Kent/Superman, “Superman”
Qualification 3 – be Superman.

Matt Dillon – Bob, “Drugstore Cowboy” (I know, right?)
Qualification 4 – be too clever for your own good, a junkie, and a pied piper of drug addicts…well maybe not. But have some bad-boy qualities.

Steve McQueen – Henri “Papillon” Charriere, “Papillon”
Qualification 5 – Be innocent but convicted, tormented by the system, refuse to let it break your spirit, and escape remote cruel prison island overcoming sharks, crocodiles, disease and hunger. This is a true story, too, so it warped me into thinking I could actually find a guy with this fortitude.

Antonio Banderas – “the Mask of Zorro”
Qualification 6 – be so hot. Be oh so hot. Be willing to wear a mask once in awhile and good with your sword.

So there you have it. If any of y’all happen to know a guy who is some sort of morph of the above list, have him contact me by either riding in on his big black stallion or swooping down from above (cape optional).

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Responses

  1. I am almost afraid to do mine!

    Welcome Back!!


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